Episode #126: Melissa Coulier
Please note: This podcast is intended to provide information and education and is not intended to provide you with a diagnosis or treatment advice. You should consult with a licensed or registered healthcare professional about your individual condition and circumstance.
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For Melissa Coulier, pain was such a consistent part of her childhood that she thought it was normal.
As an adult it became more debilitating, and Melissa faced a slew of appointments and tests to try to solve her lifelong pain mystery. Without an immediate answer, she was made to feel like it might all be in her head. It wasn’t until Melissa blacked out while driving, due to a blood clot, that she and her doctors finally put the pieces together: it was Lupus.
Diagnosis opened the door to a variety of treatments that helped combat her symptoms. But the physical toll of the treatments, the difficulty of balancing them with day-to-day life, and the anxiety over when to share her struggles and when to mask left Melissa in a place of exhaustion, depression and self-pity.
On a hike with a new friend, Melanie Samuels, Melissa felt compelled to open up about her physical and mental pain. Fatefully, Melanie was just beginning her career as a holistic nutritionist, and Melissa became her first client. With Melanie’s help, Melissa adopted an approach to managing her pain that included nutrition and lifestyle changes, as well as medical observation when needed. Melissa also shifted her mindset, creating obtainable goals, avoiding all-or-none thinking, and listening to her body. Her life was completely transformed by finding her individual path through pain.
Melissa has drawn from her transformation to build a career in holistic nutrition and wellness, helping her clients embrace their individuality and be in charge of their own stories.
“We are the experts of our own body; no one else knows what we are feeling. Therefore, it’s up to us to use our intuition and to actively listen, tune in and live the life that is best for us as individuals. Put down the judgment, resentment and perceptions that are just weighing us down.”
Reasons To Listen:
Learn the importance of an individual approach to health and wellness for your unique body and mind.
…and learn the importance of working with doctors and professionals who support that individual approach.
Hear how skewed perceptions of pain, from others and ourselves, can get in the way of diagnosis and treatment.
Get a sense of how challenging it is to live with pain and the constant decisions about whether or not to mask it.
Take in a raw conversation about how choosing not to drink affects friendships and social situations.
About Melissa
Melissa is a functional fitness instructor, photographer, and lupus warrior.
In 2006, Melissa was diagnosed with Lupus. Determined to find a long-term solution to managing inflammation and pain, she began her wellness journey. After working with friend and holistic nutritionist, Melanie Samuels, she discovered a lifestyle that is not only enjoyable, but also life-changing when it comes to managing pain. She is passionate about sharing her experiences to help others discover their own path to optimal health.
She’s a daydreaming creative who seeks adventure and challenges while encouraging others to do the same! Melissa is also the wife of America’s Funniest Uncle, Dave Coulier.
Melissa was raised in Livingston, MT, groomed in Los Angeles, CA, and currently resides in Detroit, MI. When she is not working, you’ll find her hosting family and friends, in the kitchen cooking while dancing, or adventuring in nature with her husband and their three dogs, Shorty, Ziggy and Cooper.
Check out past episodes about Lupus:
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Harper Spero (00:04):
Made Visible helps people with invisible illnesses feel seen and heard. It provides a platform for people who seem fine but aren't to share their experiences. It also helps to create a new awareness of how we can be sensitive and supportive to those with invisible illnesses.
(00:26):
Please note this podcast is intended to provide information and education and is not intended to provide you with a diagnosis or treatment advice. You should consult with a license or registered healthcare professional about your individual condition and circumstance. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Made Visible. I'm your host Harper Spero and I'm so glad you tuned in. Today's guest is someone who has taken it upon herself to manage her own health in a whole holistic way after years of medications that weren't benefiting her body. Melissa Coulier lives with lupus and has turned her dedication to her own health into a business of helping others too. If you're interested in hearing other stories of people living with lupus, head back to episode 28 with Monique Gore Massey and episode 61 with Amy Lacey. Welcome Melissa. I'm so happy to have you here today.
Melissa Coulier (01:20):
Thank you Harper. I'm so happy to be here and thank you for sharing my story with your community and just providing a platform for people to feel seen.
Harper Spero (01:31):
Thank you. I appreciate that. We were connected through Kate Milligan who was on episode 122 and she said, you must interview Melissa. So I'm so excited for this conversation. <Laugh>, let's start off, tell us who you are, where you're from and what you do.
Melissa Coulier (01:47):
My name's Melissa Coulier and I am originally from Montana. Born and raised in Montana and then headed to LA to pursue my passion of becoming a commercial and editorial photographer. Then three years ago relocated to Detroit, Michigan or metro Detroit and started to discover that the lifestyle in certain situations that were happening in my life at the time led me to seeing this opportunity of moving into the wellness space and my passion turned into helping others manage their pain and inflammation as I was healing my body and finding different holistic ways to do so. So now I am a functional movement pain-free management specialist. It's a whole mouthful. And then I am a fitness instructor that teaches functional fitness with the intention of lowering inflammation in the body.
Harper Spero (02:49):
It's amazing. I can't wait to discuss more. So let's start, you were diagnosed with lupus in 2006. Yes. But you dealt with chronic pain before then. Mm-Hmm <affirmative>, can you talk to me about that experience in your chronic pain and then how you got diagnosed with lupus?
Melissa Coulier (03:06):
Yeah, so it actually all starts from when I was an infant. I had a spinal tap upon birth because they didn't notice necessarily what was like going on. They thought I might might have meningitis and so had a spinal tap and then I had inflammation in the spine as I was developing, which caused some of my vertebrae to have different pitches and degrees that were like slightly off allowing the spine to kind of develop a little bit off kilter, which is called Sherman's disease is the term. It's when parts of the vertebrae are a little bit thicker and wider than other parts and there's larger gaps in between or small gaps in between. Basically it's just kind of out of alignment. It grows that way. I was a very, very active child, loved moving my body from cheerleading to motocross to hiking and rock climbing, backpacking, and I always had this intense overall pain that I just lived with.
(04:11):
And when you know something to be true of your body for so long, it's just who you are, right? It's just your identity. You don't think any different. I mean I remember even when I was a young child having these intense migraines and a lot of it the compression or this certain pain in my back, there was always that explanation of Oh well you're just so active. You're moving your body so much or you're being reckless in the activities that you're doing. And then it wasn't until I went to college that I just started having this like debilitating pain in my joints. I couldn't figure it out. I went to the doctor multiple times, got the thyroid check, thought it was ra cuz ra, rheumatoid arthritis runs in my family. And it was just one thing after the next of just being unidentified and honestly a lot of people looked at me and they were like, well you look fit, you look healthy.
(05:00):
Like maybe it's in your head or maybe hypochondriac or all of the things, right? When all these medical professionals are gaslighting you, you start to think like, oh shit, am I, am I, am I making this up in my head? Like is this chronic pain and these feelings not really There cut to, I moved to Los Angeles and six months after that move I was driving to work, I blacked out. What had happened was a blood clot hit the oracle in my brain and after many tests later they found out that it correlated with everything else and all of my other symptoms which led them to discovering lupus. So I had the mouth ulcers, I had intense fatigue. I had that needling pain in my joints that they had, you know, already thought that this was a young case of ra. My skin was really sensitive to light and rashed really easy and it was kind of this, this long journey to out what it was. And then after I found out, it's an interesting thing, right? And I'm sure you can relate that interesting point where you're relieved to know what you have but also devastated and depressed and thinking like you almost wanna throw like a pity party for yourself of like, well why me? What did I do to deserve this?
Harper Spero (06:18):
Yeah, that's so relatable for sure. It's interesting cuz I, I've talked to my mom many times about the day that I was diagnosed when I was 10 and we both really don't have a memory of anything other than being told, yes, you have this condition and beyond this medication for the rest of your life. I think we both blacked out after that of being grateful to have the information but r really not knowing what to do with it. Mm-Hmm <affirmative>, what did you know if anything about lupus prior to getting the diagnosis?
Melissa Coulier (06:47):
Absolutely nothing. <Laugh> I, I got the information and in 2006 there wasn't a lot of information in general about autoimmune diseases. So for me I was like it, you know, you go down the R Google rabbit hole and then the next thing you know you're like oh I have six months to live probably like you just go dark, right? My mom actually had done research because her first cousin had lupus and I didn't know that at the time that I was diagnosed. So she gave me all of this information, different books to read. Like my mom was so great in providing all of these resources for me to educate myself but also learn like okay other people live with this and are managing it so don't necessarily go dark right away, like let's take a beat After I started doing research and for those of you that may not even know what lupus is, it's an autoimmune disease that causes intense bouts of inflammation and chronic pain throughout the body.
(07:47):
It's taking your perfectly healthy immune system identifying that it's fighting infection when it actually is not in fighting infection, therefore it's attacking all of your healthy tissues. So that can be anything from your skin to your liver, different organs, even your brain. So as soon as I found that out, my best girlfriend growing up was a nurse. So I called her right away, I'm like, Hey, what do you know about lupus? And at the time she actually had a patient of hers was like not doing well and nearing the end of life because of lupus. And I was like oh my gosh, this is like a real thing. And then it just kind of snowballed into like how like almost you're so scared, right? You're like okay now how do I stop this? So my husband Dave Coulier is an actor. He had a good friend Bob Saget and his friend Bob was very well connected with all of the different hospitals and specialists in LA and I'm so grateful, I know so many individuals don't have the access to great doctors or even information.
(08:53):
And so I know I'm a very rare case where I had individuals that were in a position to lead me to the right answers and the right doctors and individuals. So Bob had set me up with a specialist at UCLA in California in order to kind of get control over it and the reigns on it. I started taking different medication right away to just mask the symptoms. And it wasn't until many years later that I decided to take a holistic approach just because of the things that steroids were doing to my body and my mind and all these different things was so hurtful in the sense of like causing even deeper bouts of depression or different things that were happening where then I was like medicating my medication and I was like okay, we need to like get a handle on this and I need to do something different. And I also just had to get over the fact of like stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something. Stop writing the narrative that you're resentful because no one else is going through this cuz it can feel lonely in the time even though I mean so many individuals struggle and once you kind of start talking to different people and like you having this beautiful platform, you kind of realize like there's a community of us we can like help support each other stay in our lane but support one another while everyone's going through it.
Harper Spero (10:12):
But I think it's really easy to immediately go into that I'm the only person going through this. It's the worst thing ever. No one's experienced pain like this. I think that's really common to go through that and I think even so many years into living with my condition and you know, same with you, there's still those moments. Yeah there are still times where like I'm in the doctor's office and I'm going like how is this my life? How is this what I'm dealing with? Don't I know enough? Don't I have the best access? All of that. It's still challenging. Yeah. And so it's interesting, I have a million questions given what you just shared, but one of the things I wonder is you mentioned your mom who clearly is a support system and you talked about your best friend and wow having her share that she had a patient that was nearing the end of life is so intense to hear. But what were those other resources for you in the early days of navigating this, especially on an emotional level? Cause you mentioned medical gaslighting and the challenges of that, which I think this community knows really well. Mm-Hmm <affirmative>, how did you navigate that in those months and early years of getting this diagnosis? My
Melissa Coulier (11:23):
Answers kind of twofold. I'd go on to online support groups just to like hear what was working for other individuals and I was kind of actually a little bit too scared to like participate too much but I would read everything. Then I just had a few close friends and obviously my husband who knew the ins and outs of like the rollercoaster of the pain and how some days are fine and some days are like you can't get out of bed for the whole 20 hours. Kind of the rainbow of all things right to everyone else. And I think I was able to even fool some of my closest friends. I kind of pretended it didn't exist in certain situations, especially in social situations. And for work. I mean I was trying to become a celebrity photographer, which is so taxing on your body carrying lights and equipment and constantly being in these awful weird positions and I would be so exhausted and my body was beat up the following hours after a shoot and I would medicate, I would use every tool in the toolbox of great, here's a steroid, great, well here's something for your migraine, well here's an injection.
(12:35):
Hey actually let's just throw a bottle of wine on top of that and and just pretend this doesn't exist. And so you can just keep managing and keep forging forward. And like I said in the beginning when all you know is pain, you're like this is just what it is. This is just how my body's gonna be so why make other decisions and go this holistic route if, and at the time I honestly didn't even really, I wasn't aware that a holistic route could help me. So in the beginning I think I, I masked it and then in that like super inner circle, those individuals, those poor souls and saviors and angels like just had to hear it right and just live in it and it's, it's so hard on somebody else, the caregivers will say or the support system and the support team to watch somebody who's in chronic pain but then also watch them be pretty reckless with how they're curing it. Cause alcohol would lead me straight into like migraines or pain or, and when they have gluten I would inflame and be so sick and yet I would make all those decisions because I was like, I know I'm gonna feel bad but whatever, I'm just gonna take a pill and hope it's better.
Harper Spero (13:41):
Oh I know that one So well I've probably said this in an early episode but I have journal entries of me writing in my early college days my mom told me I should stop drinking because my skin will probably be better, but doesn't she know that like this serves a purpose? Mm. And for me it was definitely a way to mask what I was going through and it was such a tool, you know, also to be 18, 20, 21. Yeah. And realizing that's what all my friends were doing. Whether it was just for fun or coping with what you're going through and it's always easy to do that. And I think it's interesting to hear you talk about sort of layering medications and realizing over time that one is probably causing a problem that leads you to another one and you ultimately don't know which one's working for what and what's causing even more issues than you just baseline someone with lupus. So I'm curious, what did lead you to the holistic route? Where did you learn about that and what was your first step?
Melissa Coulier (14:44):
So it all came from meeting a friend who was actually working in on the set of Fuller house at the time. So my husband had become friends with one of the production coordinators, her name is Melanie Samuels. And she and I just became like fast friends. We would go on these high hikes and you know, we came into the friendship moment where I shared the the craziness of like okay, here's what's going on with my body, here's how I manage it or don't manage it or the struggles I'm having. And it was just that perfect moment to share that life just presents like this beautiful timing if you would like tune in and listen. And that moment happened for us on this hike because she was talking about how she was actually looking to leave the television industry to become a holistic nutritionist because of her battle with inflammation and disordered eating.
(15:43):
So it happened to be this like perfect opportunity and connection where the stars align so to speak. So I became her first client and the work that we did together was insane and the way that it transformed my life, my previous self is so unrecognizable to me. It was just a long haul of work and just consistency. And I loved her approach from the very beginning because I think we're in this all or nothing mentality with the way that we live or the way that we feel like our health should go or whatever. And she was like, look, we're gonna start small making something seem obtainable. So then it just then becomes part of your lifestyle and then we'll just add another element to that of healing. I think trying to change everything all at once and being super drastic with our changes, we get frustrated it's not sustainable and then we start square one and we're in this vicious cycle of like this constant ebb and flow of all or nothing.
(16:44):
She really preached the like 80 20 lifestyle 80% of the time. Like eat what is right for your personal body. We're so bio individually different that every single consumption of food, of information, even of friendship is so different. We all process it differently, therefore we have to just react and consume what's right for us by taking that approach. And then with that other 20%, you know, having a glass of alcohol on a birthday rather than a bottle every night, just adjusting. And if I have like a piece of bread while I'm like visiting another country or whatever, it's like okay then I can do that in a healthy mindset and know that that's not how I live every day and not not feel guilty around it. I feel like for a long time I would feel this awful guilt around the food that I knew that wasn't right for my body but then it was making me sicker.
Harper Spero (17:39):
When you say the all or nothing mindset, I think that people often when they go with nothing then you're not able to measure what's working and what's not. Mm-Hmm <affirmative>, it's like starting 10 new supplements and going to acupuncture and getting a massage and going oh I feel better or I don't. And you don't know which thing is working right? It's the reason why elimination diets exist and why people take away certain things, not all of it at once. So I think that that is such a good reminder to people listening that you don't have to make a massive change immediately. Mm-Hmm <affirmative> starting somewhere can get you somewhere and make you realize the difference it can make on your body and your health and then you build over time and you get used to things. So what would you say has been the hardest part? The transition into a more holistic lifestyle? I
Melissa Coulier (18:26):
Think just patience and showing yourself patience and kindness throughout. I think that it's easy to get frustrated with the timing and I, in the first three years of my work with Mel, I was like yeah I'm feeling like a little better but I wasn't even aware of the difference it was making cuz my body was just detoxing from my life up until that point of not eating or drinking what I should be for it. A lot of my work also was mental. I had to get my mind right. I was a worrier. It's always like a work in progress but having anxiety writing stories before you allow life to unfold, you know, it's just kind of like slowing the that mindset down and trying to focus on thinking of it from a long haul perspective of like if I do this consistently for long enough it's going to pay off.
(19:27):
And that's what happened. I mean it wasn't like this overnight success of three days shipping. It took three years for me to fully be like, oh my gosh I'm waking up and I don't have massive joint pain. Oh my gosh it's been over two months since I've had a migraine. I mean I was having blackout migraines twice a week like around the toilet bowl throwing up my digestion is better or I'm not having certain issues with my skin as much as I was the flareups were so far fewer between. And then I was like okay this is working. And now it's so strange to think about the days of not being able to get out of bed and now how I'm able to just like move first thing in the morning. That's
Harper Spero (20:11):
Huge.
Melissa Coulier (20:12):
As where before I'd have to have like my husband massage my joints in order to just like wake them up.
Harper Spero (20:18):
That's huge. It's amazing that you were able to explore that path and it's been so successful for you. Do you find that your doctors, if you have doctors that are following all of this, are supportive of this route that you've gone?
Melissa Coulier (20:32):
Yeah, so the two rheumatologists that I was seeing in LA never really like spoke to me about taking a holistic approach and so when I started doing that they were like, yeah, but just so you know like lupus is gonna be with you forever. It's not like something you can cure. It's not something that you're gonna like get outta we're here when you need your steroid injections. So it was kind of like, okay, good luck pat on the back, we'll see you next month kind of thing. But then actually moving to Michigan, I have two doctors whom I love and they're great. They both have been really supportive. The times that I do need a steroid they're like okay we know this is a bad case or this is a certain situation where, because I tell them straight up when I enter the doctor's office, I do not wanna be put on medication so whatever you're gonna tell me, it's just about the numbers. I just wanna know the blood work and I wanna know where my white cell count is because at this point my work with my nutritionist and with what I know from all of my research, I can figure out what my body is missing or needing from those numbers. I just need the information. I just get my blood work done once a month and they're there as support as needed. But that wasn't always the case. That's a rare, rare find.
Harper Spero (21:50):
So how did you transition from taking care of your own health holistically to building a business in the wellness world? What made you wanna help other people
Melissa Coulier (22:00):
After that three years and having that realization of like, oh my gosh, my body has transformed. It was like I became a new person, like I have a twin out there or something like that. How crazy that it felt. So after I had so much success with my work with Melanie and taking that holistic route to my nutrition three years ago, started working with my sister, my older sister became a fitness instructor and she became a personal trainer. And so when Covid happened, I left the gym and then we started doing sessions and my body started to transform when I stopped doing my like daily workout and just cut down to two days a week I was training with her and all of a sudden I had more energy and my body was further healing just beyond food and I realized that I was over condition my body even though I was feeling good.
(22:55):
I did notice though, I'm like, oh after every workout, why do I wanna take a two hour nap? Or like it was just this other exhaustion. And so she was doing a lot of functional movement with me and then I had explored the healing of breath work, how using your breath paired with exercise and paired with when I like eat food or consume food or meditate and all of these different things, I was finding all these like additional benefits as I started to heal that I became really fascinated with the idea of like, well what if you pair this breath work with functional movement to help lower inflammation and helping individuals with chronic pain. So if this was working for me, maybe it can work for somebody else. I still like to say every class or every time I'm training someone like nobody else is the expert of your body as you. Right? So tuning in and then moving for your body or doing that, but taking these techniques and then applying it to that. So I decided to go to get my certification in pain-free movement and in fitness training and then that's kind of like where it all stemmed from. So I did that a year and a half ago and now we're here.
Harper Spero (24:07):
Wow, that's amazing. It's so incredible to hear people who have gone through these challenging experiences with their health and then realize how they can give back. I mean I recognize I'm, I'm similar but it's so powerful to know that you made an impact on your own life and then said Wow, I can help other people through this. What kind of impact would you say that you have made on clients' lives in introducing them to this work?
Melissa Coulier (24:33):
Two individuals come to mind, but one in particular we found out that she was really over conditioning her body and once she started applying breath work and mindfulness to the way that she moved her body, she was able to get her period back and she hadn't had it in three years and that was just such an amazing testimony of what your body and mind can actually do to provide medicine to your body. And also with food is attached to that, food is absolutely medicine. So she just kind of changed that whole perspective, those three things of food, the way that she thought about situations and then the way that she moved her body, it was so powerful. And right now I'm working with a cancer fighter and she has this like chronic pain in the side of her neck. She's like really only able to move her arm to probably like a 45 degree angle. And just through this very small amount we just started working together and just through the very small amounts of intentional breathing through exercise, she's been able to have I would say 20% more mobility than she started with. And that's just in a few short weeks.
Harper Spero (25:48):
That's huge. I mean those are, those are major milestones that you can track so easily and that's massive that you're able to have an accomplishment like that. So you've shared with me the importance of bio-individuality. What does that term mean to you and how does it play out in your life?
Melissa Coulier (26:07):
It's as simple as taking care of your body for you specifically, right? So you and I can both go out to lunch, have the same exact meal order and then process that completely differently and have a different outcome in our body. It means tuning into and listening to your body and then taking action on the positives of how certain foods react to it, how certain thoughts react to it. It's as simple as you do you boo, you know?
Harper Spero (26:42):
Yeah. I think it's such good reminder because I think in the chronic illness world, it's common for us to go into a support group, a Facebook group and assume that we're gonna get answers in there that are going to be relevant to us. And that's not always the case. And a Dr. May say, Hey, I've had this treatment that worked for someone, maybe you should try it too. And it also plays into strangers that do not have your condition who like to give advice unsolicited. Mm-Hmm <affirmative>
Melissa Coulier (27:11):
<Laugh> and
Harper Spero (27:12):
They have no idea what's actually going on with your body. So I think it's such a good reminder of everyone's body is different listening to your body because you know it better than anybody else making decisions that feel right for you because my approach could be different to your approach. How has Bioindividuality helped you in managing your own healing journey? I was
Melissa Coulier (27:36):
Really hard at first because I think there's a large part of us that we love the idea of community and doing something with somebody else, right? Like that's why we, you know, it's call a girlfriend, Hey do you wanna go in a 30 day juice cleanser? You wanna do it with somebody else? You want someone else going through that journey with you. It was hard at first because when you are realizing the things that you need to cut from your diet or from your life in general, right? Setting new boundaries for yourself, there tends to be some resistance from your peers because they're like, well you've always drank that or you've always done that. Like, oh really? Brent's gonna hurt you today. And it's the judgemental thing of like, I don't wanna be the inconvenience if we're going out to lunch or ugh, I don't really wanna go there cause I don't have anything on the menu that I can eat.
(28:21):
But you don't wanna say anything or speak up and there's all these layers that go into it where you just start overthinking everything. And then I felt like when I first cut back on alcohol for example, that was like a huge thing that I wasn't ready to, I guess go up against with people's resistance to me not having something to drink. And I was like, don't even worry about it. Like you can still have a good time and go all out. But just the fact that I was cutting back, it was like, well why? Well why aren't you drinking? Oh but is it really a thing? Like what does it do to you then? And there was all of these questions around it. It's funny that like when you, you're doing something toxic for your body, for your personal body. I'm speaking me personally. People are really resistant when you start to transform and try to take care of it and it was wild to watch.
Harper Spero (29:14):
I relate to that so much. I remember when I stopped drinking for a long period of time cuz I had started new medications and just felt like the smart thing to do and I have memories of certain meals sitting down at a table and a friend going, Ugh, you're not gonna drink a bottle of wine with me. And I'm like, so get a glass. What's the difference? Mm-Hmm <affirmative> what we can enjoy this dinner without me drinking wine. I was probably 20, 29, 30 around that age and I just remember going like, are we not able to have fun and have a nice time together without me drinking
Melissa Coulier (29:50):
Harper? No you're not. You're not able to have fun. I'm just kidding. People really feel and believe
Harper Spero (29:55):
That they do and and and honestly it's their issues and their own, I don't know, lack of confidence or something of that nature that it's really has nothing to do with me. And over time I got over it but it was definitely a challenging period of time of like wow people, do they really not think I'm fun without alcohol? Is that really possible?
Melissa Coulier (30:18):
I actually went down like a dark way with that too of I stopped being invited places because I stopped drinking for a while. I remember I was like, maybe it's me, maybe I'm just not fun when I'm not drinking. Maybe I was a better person on alcohol or whatever. And obviously that narrative is so false. I ended up having a really like raw conversation with a girlfriend about it and she said Look Mel, honestly it's hard to have you around not drinking because all I'm thinking about is how much I'm drinking. And I realized like it's more about the individual than it is about me. So I just need to continue on my path, my journey and whatever that journey is that they're dealing with. If it doesn't feel good to have me there, like I obviously don't want a toxic negative spin on my presence being anywhere, let alone with a friend. If that means we get together for coffees instead. Like great. It's just my relationships changed in the way that we spend time together and it actually is for the better that way too. Yeah,
Harper Spero (31:21):
I think that that's a great point to make, which is that your friendships change over time in general and through you making your own transitions and finding what role each of your different friends or people in your life serve and how they can be of value to you because things change. Life happens. Yeah. And there are people that are gonna be with you unconditionally and there are people that are gonna go like I want the old version back. And that's not who you are anymore. Sucks for you, but this is the evolved me. What symptoms do you deal with at this point in life, given all the changes that you've made to take care of yourself?
Melissa Coulier (32:02):
I still get face rashing. I still get mouth ulcers occasionally, which I have one right now. And I think it's just a stressful week. Honestly. My flareups are very much the same as what they were, but on a much lower scale. Like if you are sitting in a doctor's office and you have that smiley face of like super happy 10 and sad is one. I'm definitely more on the happier side of my pain management. I would say yes if I overwork my body or if I have a really stressful week or if I indulge in something that I know is not necessarily like serving my body well with, you know, having refined sugar in something that I didn't know it was in or whatever that looks like. Right? If that happens, I definitely still have soreness, joint pain, but I'm not rushing off to the doctor in order to have fluid taken out of my joints.
(32:58):
I'm not at that severe stage anymore thankfully. And I'm also just able to have a better mindset of how to handle it and I'm also more educated in the choices that I'm making and more conscious of the choices that I'm making to stay on that right path of like, yeah, I have a migraine today. Well instead of taking a mi like a shot, I'm going to get a cold compress and I'm gonna go take a nap for an hour because it's what my body's gonna need. And I know not everybody has that opportunity if you're at work or whatever, but trying to stay focused on that end goal as much as possible of journeying through life in order to keep your own path of that road smooth. Right. And of course there's always gonna be potholes but part of it.
Harper Spero (33:43):
I love that. What a great place to end. So my last question for you is, as you know this podcast is all about invisible illness. What do you wish people knew about invisible illness?
Melissa Coulier (33:54):
I don't know if it's what I wish they knew that would be different from any other guests, cuz I know that so many of your guests say it so eloquently you don't know what someone else is going through. But I think more of like just the reminder that we are the experts of our own body, like no one else knows what we are feeling. Therefore it's up to us to use our intuition and to actively listen, tune in and live the life that is best for us as individuals. Put down the judgment, the resentment and perceptions and all the things that we like attach that are just weighing us down. I think it's not on others to understand what we're struggling with. If they are strong enough to be able to be a support, that's amazing. But if they're not, we also need to learn how to be our own support system and our own sharing squad. Mastering our minds can often be that first
Harper Spero (34:49):
Step. I love it so much. Thank you so much for doing this. Where can people learn more about you and potentially work with you?
Melissa Coulier (34:57):
Thank you for having me today. I love this chat and I really feel like we could just like be going on for hours. Yeah. So if you would like to find me, I'm on socials, I'm only on Instagram. I hate to break it to everybody, but there's only so much I can handle with input and output on social. So I'm on Instagram at Melissa Coulier. Also, you can work with me personally to do one-on-one stuff. I also do popup events and public speaking on reclaiming your body through using your story. Then I also lead group exercise. So all of that information on how to work with me will be found at moving well with mel.com.
Harper Spero (35:41):
Amazing. Thank you so much Melissa. Thanks for tuning into Made Visible. We hope you learned about something new today. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a few minutes to subscribe, rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. Your support means the world to us. Visit made visible stories.com to check out our writing workshops, corporate offerings, and more information that can help you in navigating life with an invisible illness. Follow made visible stories on Instagram. See you next week.